When our children are absolutely melting and cannot contain themselves with their big emotions, it becomes a tantrum. From the perspective of the parent, we will experience a range of things. Here are four ways we may experience a tantrum with our children-how we feel and what we can do about it.
The Power Struggle
Here you may be feeling “oh child of mine, what is wrong with you? Fine have it your way, be mad and freak out I’ll be over here. i’m not giving in to your desires….”
What to do about it: Stop it. No, not stop the tantrum. YOU STOP it. Stop being a bully, stop trying to be right, stop perpetuating the power struggle. You are the adult. It is your job to give a little-to let go of that which holds you back from being in your lovespace.
Not necessarily that the child is tantrum’ing out of fatigue but you’re feeling fatigued which leads to either surrender and possibly melting or can lead to a power struggle because your needs aren’t met and you’re feeling tapped out.
What to do about it: Surrender. Allow energy to flow through you. Allow yourself to feel. And if possible move into holding space for your child. (Also review melting in case things go that direction).
You’re so tapped out that you’re finally surrendering to the angst. Your’e crying too. Both of you are simply melting. Emotions are flowing.
What to do about it: Allow the emotions to flow. Breathe. When you’re able to, move toward holding space. Make sure you don’t throw emotions at your child or slide into blame that is projected upon them. Simply honor your own sadness or defeat. Perhaps listen to your inner child speak to you and heal a time that was Big for You when you were little and were possibly not nurtured the way you wish you were.
You see your child is having a hard time, accepting life as is, or being worn out or hungry or whatever it may be. You sit near them. You let them know you are in a loving space and your are here if they want to be consoled. You offer hugs. You offer words or music. You offer your silence. You may be validating their feelings or you stop validating their feelings if that is feeling yucky to them. You simply Be and exist and allow them to express their big emotions in a safe space. Where they can let it all go and release without feeling judged, or like they have to get their power back from you or the life situation; and deep down they can recognize that they are loved despite this intense moment for themselves. You are honoring that their soul and human being is needing to have a big experience which you may not understand fully but you are there to fill them with love when they are ready.
What to do: Keep up the good work! Have a cup of tea or a good meal or a shower to cleanse your own energy and keep yourself in balance after holding such big energy for another person you love so deeply.